This Odd Affliction

What an odd affliction I bear. I am, of course, considered quite sick. I don't think I look all that ill, but I don't see myself as others do. Perhaps I am vain and blind to its ravages to my flesh. I know there are bumps and ridges and sunk-in places on my hands and up and down my arms and legs that shouldn't be there. I've grown fat, rather than wasted looking. That is a result of two things, I can't exercise as I use to and the doctors want me fat. They insist on my eating high calorie goodies. I expected a more bony body as the disease progressed, a wasted look. How can one be so sick and not be pallid and wasted?

I don't feel sick, the way I always thought of being sick. I am not coughing and throwing up. I have no aching through my skeleton, no headache. This lack of pain and flu-lied misery is certainly a blessing.

But not looking physically sick does not change the matter. I am sick. I do notice there is a progression. If I leave my cane behind now there is a real struggle to walk upright. I must be lacking air, my breathing must be more shallow, because I yawn a lot and I am tired a lot. I even have a reluctance to do what I wish to do because I must move to do it. For instance, I may wish to turn over from my back to my side, yet lay there immobile because I am overwhelmed with the thought of the effort it will take to roll.

As I say, ad odd affliction.

My strength is unreliable. I drop things very easily and things normally light become heavy objects to lift. It is difficult to lift my Bible. It is difficult to left a plate, even an empty one.

And I am very sensitive to the ravages of cold, which is a bad thing since it is now winter. It is actually frightening. I was never bothered by frigid before. I took long walks every morning for years no matter the weather, hot, cold, windy, rainy, snowy, whatever. I took many a hike in temperatures down around zero with winds driving the chill far before that line. These days I feel every low down degree and lash of breeze. The effects of the cold scare me.

I have had this happen now a couple times. The winter has played harsh and my hands have deserted me. By that I mean, I lose my use of them. Last Saturday it was a cold, windy morning. I went to the grocery for some needs we had. I parked in the handicap spot, so I was not far from the store door, just a bit more than a driveway width. I got my foodstuffs and pushed them to the car, placed them in my trunk and then retuned the cart. That is all it took, my hands were gone.

I could not manipulate my key and could not guide it into the ignition. When I eventually managed this maneuver, I couldn't turn the thing. It took both hands and even then was a struggle. It took me a long time to plug in my seat belt. At home I almost couldn't unlock the front door.

My church was having a men's breakfast and I rushed to get there on time. I managed to lock the front door and get my motor turned on, but I had to give up on the seatbelt this time. It is a short distance, a mile, to my church, so I left the belt undone.

I thought once in the warm kitchen, my hands would quickly recover, but not so. I picked up a slice of toast and attempted to put jelly upon it, but the jelly was in the jar and I could not lift the spoon out.

One of the women tending the counter had to spread the jelly for me. I moved on and managed to serve myself the scrambled eggs, but getting the sausages from the pan proved impossible. They had these tongs and I could not close the tongs to lift the links. Again the lady had to place some links upon my plate. Thank you, Karen!

I then attempted o put some ketchup upon this meat. One of my pastors, Pastor Haus, frowned upon that, calling it unAmerican to eat sausage with ketchup, but sorry man, that's the way I like it. Except I couldn't. I could not squeeze the squeeze bottle of ketchup hard enough to squirt the red stuff out. Fortunately, one of the men, Christopher, I think, came to my rescue.

See, I don't look as pathetically weak as I be, but this is an odd affliction.

But you see, people help. Even when you look capable, as I think I look, people understand and help.

God bless them all.

And now I close, because believe it or not, keying this short little piece has completely exhausted me.